The author at the Self Centered Garden at the Ritz-Carlton Palm Beach's Eau Spa: I look like this at lunch every day.

My massage curriculum vitae (as of Feb. 8, 2010):

• a hairy fat Turk donning just a towel whaled on me in an ancient bath in Istanbul
• a diminutive female Chinese masseuse whaled on me at a chic spa in Shenzhen, China (which was my fault as I told her I liked firm pressure, not thinking someone so small could be so strong)
• a gray-haired heavy-breathing fella used to give me free massages in high school because he had some sorta grant or something to provide rubdowns to boys on my school’s sports teams (these visits stopped when my parents took a second to think about what the hell was going on–true story)

The Ritz-Carlton Palm Beach combines the luxury the company is known for with the resort feel of its location.

So on Feb. 9, 2010, when I was about to get a massage at The Ritz-Carlton Palm Beach‘s 42,000-square-foot Eau Spa, I didn’t have much spa experience to draw upon–in fact, before my treatment I phoned my wife from the locker room to ask, “Boxers: on or off?”

Boxers off, robe on (thanks honey), I met my masseuse, Lori. Over the next hour, she managed to do what none of my other massages could–get me to relax, which after all is their purpose. We began by selecting the color of the light therapy (blue) and what genre of music to play (a relaxing Euro mix); in fact Lori put more thought into the ambiance of my one-hour massage than I’ve put into the ambiance of my house.

For the next 60 minutes Lori worked me over back to front, head to toe and even my immune system with aromatherapy. After a relaxing hour in which I was able to zone out and enjoy the massage, Lori gave me a brief state-of-my-state report: other than tightness in a few areas, which she worked out, I was in good condition and should keep on doing what I’m doing. As I’m a freelance writer and it was noon, that meant staying in my bathrobe and having a martini lunch.

After dinner enjoy a glass of wine by the large fire pit at Temple Orange.

So robe still on I retreated to Eau Spa’s Self Centered Garden, a 7,000-square-foot open-air space, for a spa lunch. Alas, the other people I was traveling with had all gotten dressed. But relaxed and undaunted I persevered and ate my fresh Mediterranean salad and drank my Hidden Pleasure –a delicious fruity drink made with Grey Goose L’Orange, Chambord, cranberry and pineapple champagne that I never would have drank if I were wearing pants.

But unadulterated relaxation by itself can be hollow. So at The Ritz-Carlton Palm Beach last week, I coupled it with gluttony. Dinner the first night at Temple Orange included a taste of risotto (the restaurant’s specialty and for good reason) mussels and duck ravioli followed by s’mores and mini cupcakes, which seemed to be ubiquitous at the resort, by the large fire pit. And my second dinner at the Ritz-Carlton, also excellent, included three of my favorite foods: stone crab claws, lobster and oysters. Coincidentally, all three pair well with champagne.

How can you not relax in a setting like this one?

As for the hotel itself? The Ritz-Carlton Palm Beach stays true to both its brand and location by offering posh accommodations and attentive service but in a more relaxed resort atmosphere. Jackets, for example, are not required for dinner–although you probably don’t want to show up at Temple Orange in your bathrobe either.

The Ritz-Carlton Palm Beach
100 South Ocean Blvd.
Manalapan, FL 33462
561-533-6000

Disclaimer: With the exception of a couple of drinks and some gratuities, the Ritz-Carlton sponsored this trip.

Photos: Zach Everson except picture from Eau Spa, which is courtesy of Johnny Jet